When I left England 7 months ago, I had hadn't heard of Vipassana or ever considered trying meditation. Then a friend I met in Cambodia, who had completed the course at a Dhamma Centre in Thailand, told me all about his experience a few years before he spoke about it with such passion and enthusiasm my interest was ignited. He spoke of the immense positive benefits it had brought him and how he was trying to find the time to go again.
The seed of the idea was sewn in my head and as I kept hearing the word Vippasana from various people along the way, and the more I thought about it and read about it the more curious I became until I finally decided to go ahead try to book a place a course. Originally I thought I would go to a centre in Thailand or Malaysia, it turned out that this was not possible as the courses were already booked up. My only option then turned out to be Klaten in Central Java but this would take up 11 of my 30 day Indonesian visa and it would also determine that my travels in Indonesia would probable be restricted to Java rather than Sumatra or Lombok or Flores as I originally thought. Not to mention the fact that the course that put me in the right place at the right time would start on 22nd December and run right through Christmas and New Year. Still, it kind of fitted with my loose idea of continuing to travel east towards Australia, I could fly from Singapore to Jakarta very cheaply then travel overland across Java towards Bali where I could catch my flight to Melbourne.
It turned out to be a great plan as I fell in love with Pangandaran (so much so that I considered staying there for Christmas and missing meditation altogether) and the rest of Java. I just wish I has more time to travel in Indonesia. So in October, whilst in India, I filled out the online application and a few days later my place on the course was confirmed.
Why did I want to do the course?
One reason for me was definitely to challange myself, everyone I met who had been on a Vipassana course spoke of the positive benefits in completion of the course but they all also agreed how hard it was. I was agreeing to meditate for 11 hours a day for 10 days straight. I have never even tried to meditate before. I may not last 5 minutes let along the 100+ hours I was signing up to. Amongst other things I was also agreeing to the noble silence for the duration of the course. Anyone who knows me knows I not a big talker but could I really cope with no speaking or communication I anyway for 10 days.
Sugar issues
The food provided on the course is vegetarian, nutritious but limited. Also, you are only provided with two meals a day, breakfast at 6.30am (after being up at 4am for the first two hours of meditation for the day) and lunch at 11am. No food is allowed after noon other than a small price of fruit at 5pm. I realised after booking the course that my acute sugar addiction may be a problem for me so made the decision one month before the course started to give up my beloved daily coca cola. I didn't want to be dealing with a massive sugar crash as well as being deprived of conversation, communication whilst learning how to sit still on the floor for endless hours trying not to think. Talking of communication I was also going to be giving up wifi for 10 days...this could prove to be the biggest challenge.
Bring a friend
Leslie was one of the people I met at the surf school in Pangandaren. She is a beautiful 20 year old German girl who just at the start of her 5 month trip around South East Asia. She is always smiling, talks a lot but always with a huge smile on her face and walks with a spring in her step, In fact when she walks it is almost like she is dancing, she gives off an aura of happiness and is lovely to be around. In Pangandaren she was wondering where to spend her Christmas and New Year, and commented that she would like to skip them altogether. When I told her of my plans she decided to see if she could get a place on the course, it had been booked up for weeks but someone must have recently dropped out as she got her place only four days before the start of the course. So leaving Pangandaren together we travelled onto Yogyakarta where we spent two nights. Then on the 22nd december we made our way to Wisma Dhamma guna, Jl. Mayor Kusmanto, Klaten via two very full public buses, a lovely woman at the bus station feeding is our last meal as free women and a very tired and wet rickshaw puller.
The Timetable
4:00 Morning wake-up bell4:30-6:30 Meditate in the hall or your own room 6:30-8:00 Breakfast break8:00-9:00 Group meditation in the hall9:00-11:00 Meditate in the hall or your own room11:00-13:00 Lunch break13:00-14:30 Meditate in the hall or your own room 14:30-15:30 Group meditation in the hall15:30-17:00 Meditate in the hall or your own room17:00-18:00 Tea break18:00-19:00 Group meditation in the hall19:00-20:15 Teacher's Discourse in the hall20:15-21:00 Group meditation in the hall21:00-21:30 Question time in the hall21:30 Retire to your own room Lights outDay zero
There is a buzz of excitement and nervous anticipation as everyone arrives and we have the usual 'getting to know you' conversations. The men and women seem to naturally divide and that kind of makes sence as we are going to be segregated for the duration of the course. Surprisingly most of the students are non Indonesians and one of the natives is a 71 year old woman called Roky. If she can sit on the floor for 11 hours a day then surly I can. There is a huge variety of ages and nationalities, there are two other Brits, as well as people from Germany, France, Spain, Lithuanian, Hong Kong, Singapore, India, Australia, Costa Rica, Mexico and America. We also, rather excitingly have three Buddhist Monks Meditating with us. At 7pm the induction starts and we are all assigned out cusions in the meditation hall. There is some chanting and we all agree to the precepts attia sila.
- To abstain from killing any being
- To abstain from stealing
- To abstain from all sexual activity
- To abstain from telling lies
- To abstain from all intoxicants
- To abstain from eating after midday
- To abstain from sensual entertainment and bodily decorations
- To abstain from using high or luxurious beds
We also make a formal request to be taught Vipassana and then there is more chanting. I don't really know what I am supposed to be doing so I sit in the floor in a semi lotus type position, eyes closed, legs already burning and back already aching and fidgeting like crazy, occasionally opening my eyes to check that everyone is doing the same. Then we are sent to rest and I crawl into by little bed on the floor in the girls dormitory felling excited to see what tomorrow brings.
Day OneAt 4am the wake up gong shocks me from my sleep. Over the next few days I quickly grow to hate that sound, signalling that break period is over and it is time to work. Day one passes in a blur, it is new and exciting but it is also difficult, day ten seems like a awfully long way off. Even with the meditation cushions the floor is hard. At the moment we are allowed to change partitions during the meditation sessions but there are hints this wont always be the case. I look at my watch far too often, what feels like half a hour of weak meditation always turns out to be just five minutes, ten if I am lucky. I am really hungry after last nights two banana dinner and tired after too little sleep. It seems to me that there might be two pleasures over the next ten days. The first is day time naps during the rest periods and the second is lunch as at 11am we are served with endless rice, soup, vegetables and crackers. However these two pleasures are to be denied as during the evening discourse we are informed that we should not eat too much as medetation is more evective on an empty stomach, also lying down for more than five minuets during the day is counter productive.
I can also feel the start of a sore throte coming.
Day Two - observe your natural breath
The meditation is taught in a very clever way, building the technique by adding something new each day. At the moment we just have to observe our natural breath. However I don't have a natural breath, the sore throat has developed into a full blowed cold and I am having to breath very hard and deliberately to get any air into my lunges through my nose. In the evening I decide to speak to the teacher about this but is assures me that it is not a problem, I am really relieved as I though I may have to leave the course altogether. There is also the pressure I am putting myself under to get the most out of this whole experience. After all I am investing 10'days in it, I don't want them to be a wasted 10 days.
Day Three - Known to everyone else as Christmas Day
It is only after my cold shower when I am on my was to the meditation hall at 4.30 am that I realise that it is Christmas Day today. It dawns on me that Father Christmas has not paid me a visit this year, maybe it is just because I forgot to hang my stocking up. My cold has developed into a full blown snot fest so I write a request for some decongestant on the list of supplies needed on the notice board. It is waiting for me at my place at lunchtime. My letter to Father Christmas was answered after all... In a way.
We are settling into the rhythm of the daily routine and the noble silence is not nearly as hard as I thought it would be. It is strange not to be able to wish anyone a happy Christmas or even say good morning. I find mealtimes the strangest times for the science, at one stage Karen, who was sitting next to me was trying to cut a lime with a spoon and it pinged from her plate, some light relief from the heavy science, but not wanting to interrupt the quiet we all tried to laugh internally and not catch each others eyes. When it is 5pm and time for tea break I find that there is no fruit just a small, unappetising lump of hard jelly each and I think of everyone back at home preparing there Christmas feast.
Day Four - Vipassana Day
We find out that today is Vipassana day and at 3pm we get to begin to learn how to practice Vipassana. Up until now we have kind of just been in training. Warming up and tuning out minds. Not to mention training our bodies to get used to the ever increasing periods on sitting. The energy in the room is electric and the aches in my back are more intense than ever, the Vipassana teaching is to last two hours and we are to change positions as little as possible but I am find the pain in my back excruciating. I move so much and then finally copy the position of Breeanna, this is her third Vipassana course and she is kneeling with a stack of cusions between her legs supporting her weight. This position allows me to keep my back straight more easily and there is some relif from the pain. All the returning students are sitting at the front. I think to myself that if they are putting themselves through this for the second, third or even fourth time then the benefits of completing the course must be worth the hardships.
I observe how everyone has been gathering more and more meditation cusions to fashion more comfortable seats with extra height for the bum and support for the knees, I am a bit slow on the uptake and by the time I realise this could help me too there are hardly any cusions left. When I notice in the morning that the girl who was sitting in front of me has left, I of course feel sad for her but take to oppourtunity to aquire her cusions.
Day Five - Strong Determination
As the technique is developed further today we are informed that from today the three daily grope sittings are to be Sittings of Strong Determination. So for these three one hour settings we are to hold our positions and not open our eyes or move our hands or legs in any way. The longest I have lasted until now is half an hour and it is aboslute determination and sheer stubbornness that gets me through the first sitting. My back aches as usual bit it is my numb legs that I really want to move. One of the things we are constantly taught about is the law of impermanence or anicca. Everything passes and this so this includes the pain, it is just temporary. After completing the first Sitting of Strong Determination I find I move in the second, it just takes a split second of non concentration and a slight laps in determination to move a leg or open an eye. Once it is done there is no going back and then of course you have to try not to be frustrated but just carry on with the meditating.
Days Six - a hard day
We are now past the halfway mark but still I find day six really hard. I only manage one of the sittings of strong determination and my cold is still raging. I am also finding it hard to firm things to do in my break times other than lie on my bed, which is only allowed for periods of 5 minutes at a time. I clean my teeth repeatedly and I have reorganised my entire back pack. I also visit the laundry area every lunch time to wash the previous days clothes. It is got to the stage where I am looking forward to the gong going so we can get back to the meditation hall.
Day Seven - cough cough
For all meditating time appart from the Sittings of Strong Determination you have the option of meditating in the dorm room or in the hall. From day one I have always opted to stay in the hall. We are constantly reminded to make the most of every moment so when I am foced back to the dorm by a hugh caughing fit i am surprised to find a number of girls asleep or even using the showers. Then in the evening sitting of strong determination I feel another coughing fit brewing so not do I move, I find I have to leave the meditation hall altogether which really frustrates me. As I leave the bathroom after composing myself I jump out of my skin when I find the female assistant teacher who has been looking after us waiting for me to check I am ok. She gave me such a fright I immediately burst into tears. This is even more frustrating than thr tears. And i cant explain myself properly due to the noble silence but when i speak to her about it at the end of the course when the silence is over she simply says, 'this is vipassana, it happens'. It takes me even longer to compose myself this time and I only make it back to the hall for the last 15 minuets of the sitting of strong determination.
Day Eight - crickets
Everyday something else is introduced to the technique and it amazes me how cleaver the teaching is. If you had told me on day one I would be able to feel the sensations I am feeling on day eight I would have not thought it possible. It is even more evident why the ten days are required. I have noticed that during the evening sitting of strong determination that the sun sets and for half an hour we are treated to the dusk chorus from the crickets, this actually helps me to time how long I have been meditating for although I suppose if I was meditating more deeply I wouldn't even notice the crickets.
Day Nine - Happy New Year
Today it is New Years Eve but my day is to be spent as the previous eight have been. Tomorrow the Nobel scielence ends and this now seems like such an appropriate way to start 2014. The fireworks start early in the town of Klaton and so it is in with the ear plugs and I sleep very soundly as 2013 ends and 2014 begins.
Day Ten - The end of the noble silence
On the notice bored this morning it is announced that the noble silence is to end at 10am. I always find the morning meditations the most productive between 4.30am and 6.30am. After breckfast today I realise that midnight is approaching back in England and I imagin all my friends and family counting down to the New Year. How strange that I am sitting in silence in Central Java eating rice for my breakfast. As we leave the hall after two hours of meditation there is a long pause before anyone speaks and then when the silence is finally broken there is a huge eruption of laughter before endless new year greetings. We are still prohibited from any physical contact so there are no new year hugs. The breaks are longer today and the conversations seem to centre around people's backgrounds and reasons for doing the course in the first place rather than the experiences of the last 10 days. It is so strange to have spent so many days in such close proximity to these people and some of the assumptions I have made are immediately proved wrong.
There is less medetating today as we adjust to being able to communicate again. It is interesting to hear how everyone else found this intense experience te have shared. I feel calm and content. I feel I have accepted that I will be leaving Asia in a few days time. A thought that made me so sad in the days leading up to meditation. More than anything I feel ready to get back out into the real world and carry on with my adventure.
